BROKEN PIECES#1

I love how she survived 

FIGHT AGAINST TIME

No matter how modern this world becomes, but a woman will always be overlooked when it comes to power, liberty and choice of profession. And surprisingly, it is not just the world around us that has peculiar judgements for us but it starts at our homes only. Remember the last time when you didn't have to convince or should I say argue with your parents to wear your favorite dress, movie outing or a night stay at your friend's place. Surprisingly, the same parents won’t mind if their son has frequent night outs, trips, drinks and what not.

When showing off skin even at home becomes an issue of obscenity for girls, it is not a problem for the same parents when their son is comfortably watching television in undies. Though I haven’t seen the world but what I have seen so far revolves around the same aforementioned principles.

And all this happens on the name of parents concern to protect girls from any mishap. Don’t we get examined inside-out by thousands of eyes while going out and going back to home even in jeans and hijabs? Interestingly, the same parents who try to keep us protected till our-mid lives would eventually handover us to strange partners with whom we don’t even have basic understanding, forget about the love. There is nothing even wrong in it for them because it is happening from ages.

By the time we become stable in our life, we are burdened with the responsibilities of some random family because this is what girls are destined to. Is it so really? If boys can have the complete planning of their future till their retirement, why can’t we? Why we don’t have even freedom to wear want to wear and decide for how long we want to enjoy the unmarried status?

Time between 25-27 yrs is considered as the peak time when girl should get married not just against her wish but it happens without considering her stability in life. 

Whether you want to pursue study or need time to make career, you won’t be given an excuse for anything. Period between this age group then feels like a challenge for us where we want to prove ourselves so that no one slaps our face with the question-“what you’ve done in your life?”

Emotional drama of our parents often make girls compromise in their lives and those who don’t are ultimately boycotted by their families and are showcased as a bad example to the upcoming generation. I am sometimes actually confused what make our parents to do the biasness between their sons and daughters.

Is it actually their thought beliefs or the fear of society? Because many times I have realized the decisions that were against my wish by my parents were due to their biggest fear-“log kya kahenge”. Within this log, everyone from relatives to neighbours, whose name you might even don’t know would come. And see yet they make an impact on our lives.

In my case, I know my parents love me but it is just their thought process that doesn’t allow them to understand me. Right now I feel my life is on lease whose instalment I pay by working and making them realize I want to be more successful in life. But one day when their fear of log kya kahenge would empower their belief in me, the ownership of my lease life would be given to some ABC in-laws. Till then everyday is a challenge for me to prove everyone that I am not born to get married but to live my dreams. 

BOTTOM LINE OF THE STORY:

"WANT"

By freedom she meant the desire to see world not to chase boys

By respect she meant the faith in her dreams not to open a door

By comfort she meant the safe place not the fancy restaurants

What she wants is pure love & not what money can buy!!

Someone from mars :p

There is a boy I never used to like,

His work and his silence turned off me every time.

Least bothered who is he and from where he has come,

I was sailing a boat with someone on low tides.

Until he brought a storm to my dreamy world,

And drift me apart from the coastline.

With his innocent eyes and witty tricks,

He made me forget everything like a gimmick.

It was an uncertain journey,

Where I could have lost anytime...

Still I preferred to be around him,

To get completely drenched into his electrical charm

The boring journey of mine all of a sudden

Turned into a thrilling adventure of lifetime

Now I am longing for more day by day

To keep me more alive 

 It’s like being on the dose of anaesthesia

To which I got slowly and mysteriously addicted

Finally, my destination is about to arrive,

& the fear of being apart lurks in my mind everytime....

Blahhhhhhh..........

I can never understand how people love to sit at home. For me it leads to depression. I totally hate sitting at home. Hate means a pure hate. I don’t know why….but the fact of lying on the couch, watching tv or surfing net never brings happiness to me at the end of day. Despite the fact only Sunday is the day when I can actually have the rest and whole week I wait for this day to chill out, still Sunday turns awful for me most of the times(if i sit at home).

Today its Sunday again which I supposed to enjoy but how it is possible if you are are a girl living in India. I don’t know why it is wrong to go out with friends or whosoever I want according to her. She wants me to be at home to have some “family time” which actually never happens at my place. Because everyone stays busy in their respective rooms doing not so interesting things like surfing net and watching TV instead of discussing what's going in their lives. I hardly remember any day when my parents asked me what's going in my life. 

If I want to come out of the monotony of this every Sunday's routine, I decide to go out I am enquired nothing less than acriminal. She wants me to sit at home and help her in chores which I feel are purposely created to just keep me occupied. It’s absolutely not like I don't want to help her, I want to but only when if the help is worth help. 

 I am not saying I don't want to spend time with my mom or I am not attached to her. I'm 24, still I want to see her before going to bed but obviously not the whole day.

So, yes I want to stay outside even if Sunday is the only day I get off from the work. I don’t care because it’s ultimately the polluted air of Delhi outside that rejuvenates my soul.  I don’t have fetish to explore new places, even the same place can work out for me for long provided that I go there with whom I want to. It's certainly the orthodox thought that always keep me a distance apart from my parents.

What they say I don’t understand and what I want they can’t understand. Hence, the equation of me with the home is never going to be LHS=RHS. I don’t want this spaced out relationship with them and may be they too. But nothing can change this atleast at present. All they want is make me live in in the huge hot-air balloon of restrictions. And what I want is- LET ME LIVE MY LIFE MY WAY.

Here, I feel trust, lil’ bit frankness and understanding is required to get over from this generation gap. I am trying to burst it but sometimes it just backfires on me like today. But doesn’t matter…..I would be the same for some more years till I get totally swallowed by their book of “Girls don’t do this”…. Till then, I believe in having fun by hook or by crook …:p

BROKEN PIECES :D

Best friends?? From school to college, I had few which sooner or later due to valid reasons got drifted apart from me EXCEPT the one.  Though I still consider her the one…I doubt about her views on the same. Why she is out of network coverage area is still a mysterious for me. Bcz the reason she ( Shally)explained to me for bringing a gap between us is too stupid in front of our six years FRAAANDSHIPPPP…….

Well, they say everything happens for a reason. I still cherish the time I have spent with her and hope one day I we would talk…..till then my enjoying her in dreams….I don’t know how but yes very frequently she is there like a nightmare to keep me next day totally confused what the hell shez dng now???…for her it was me the biggest culprit who kept her away from my life...

Just bcz my bf refused to hang out wd Shally and her bf is a strong reason ACCORDING to HER for throwing me out. I don’t know what was going in her head but till today I feel it was a lame excuse. I mean this gf bf thing would ever came btw us is something I have never imagined. Bt I took it as a lesson and promised myself to keep my bf just like a fictional character. Someone who is there in my life but can never reach to my friend’s zone…

I just hope if not now but someday she realized this reason was too small to break my heart….sob sob….From that time, I have made many friends, luckily very good ones..From every category....Some scolds me like brothers and sisters and some are ever ready to make life lovable all the time…Obviously I still laugh, hang around, shop, party but at the back of my mind shez still there…

Lol....I have never even felt this much broken for a boy…but well, so much special she was for me….Maybe I don’t deserve her or vice versa….:D. Life goes on…and make us realize nothing stops no matter what’s comes and goes out of our heart….we manage to fill that void to survive in this BAD……BAD world.

Girls & Boyz Its the Real Mmmeeeeeee....

Life has been nothing less than a “roller coaster” ride for me till now. I have enjoyed the whole world of pampering from my kin & kith. Family is great bliss for me while my best buddies are nothing less than gems. They have always supported me (not all of them as some were totally against of letting hair down once in a while) in my craziest dreams and heard all that shit without any complaints. …still I adore all of them and feel very lucky to find them in this bad …bad world…

I’ m not here for any business talks. It’s just my “brain sickness” for writing that bought me here. Yes, it started in school itself when I used to happily do projects for others. Slowly, I shifted to writing diary considering it’s better to pen down feelings than to share with someone who’ least interested. Of course, I can’t forget to mention here pages highly embedded with emotions called as letters in general. To friends and my special ones during their birthdays, farewell and sometimes to just sort out a quarrel, I have written letters to many as I find this medium a best way to express myself. 

Coming to me, I am girl next door who keeps messing up her life. And I find it very exciting as sleek velvet life doesn't excites me. I want it full of low and high tides to stay spirited. Else, I find myself in big depression…. I do have those girly desires and pink remains one of my favourites but big exhilaration comes to my soul only by dreaming about night outs. I never had one as neither I stayed in hostel or pg unlike my other friends who have blast staying far from home. I was so much attached and still I am with my mom, I actually can’t think of doing so but what to do with cravings of roaming across streets late night in an open jeep???Gosh I should'v been a boy! 

After all I am from a conservative, middle class family where I have the image of very decent and innocent girl. But the truth is a bit different or should I say exciting than it? My brother and pals do have an idea about what sort of demon is living inside me. So, I just want to be mysterious as much possible to keep the curiosity always creeping around me. By now you might have entitled me as the “gone case” like others but what to do this is the real me-very happening, sometimes very low and suddenly high on spirits. Many people however consider me totally opposite to it.  They find me rude, arrogant, blunt…and a very serious disease I am suffering from i.e. “I can’t be fake”…  

It is the only reason for my huge “fan following" (haters). But I find it another advantage as it helped me to pick the best in the crowd of mockers. Stay connected to find out how I stubbornly I have dealt with my crushes, selfish diplomacy of people and of course my conventional family.